Letters to a Friend: Hope You’re Well

One reason I published this site was for the friends who’ve always said, “You should write.” Usually, their suggestion follows some weird-ass thing I’ve put into an email exchange that happened to hit the right set of notes and make them giggle. I figured I’d attempt to channel that energy into its own series for anyone out there who might need the occasional funny letter from a friend. Because while a new dawn has come, it’s still pretty dark out there. Enjoy.

Hello Friend!

I hear it’s no longer fashionable to “hope you’re well,” as that statement has apparently become a symptom marker for insanity. So how does MY GOD, ARE YOU STILL ALIVE feel?

One of my freelance clients is a Trumpist bodybuilder. He spent 30 minutes talking to me about all of his bodybuilding outfits and trophies and pictures and stuff and “would I like to see some sometime?” I said no, thank you, but I charged him $50 for the meeting he dominated with Speedo talk.

I know what you’re going to say. But! It only seems exorbitant until you have to assign a value to listening to someone talk about bodybuilding. Then, $100 an hour doesn’t seem like nearly enough.

Later, Mr. Universe went on a short rant on how worried he was about “illegals coming back over the border, bringing diseases and drugs.” He’s in Montana, so I immediately replied with, “YOU MEAN FROM CANADA?!?” because I really shouldn’t work for anyone, anywhere, ever.

I also charged him $25.

My love to you and yours, my friend. But not hope for wellness. My health plan doesn’t cover inpatient psychiatric treatment.


Photo by Damir Spanic on Unsplash


  1. OMG, this was funny as $@*&! Thanks for starting my day with a handful of chuckles, RG. I’m alive and I’m glad you are, too.


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